30 of The Funniest Quotes Ever

 

Here is 30 of The Funniest Quotes Ever;

1- Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard

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2- Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else. Will Rogers

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3- Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mead

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4- There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. Chris Rock

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5- Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey

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6- A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin

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7- I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. Winston Churchill

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8- All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height. Casey Stengel

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9- Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. Benjamin Franklin

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10- Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. Anthony Burgess

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11- If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Henny Youngman

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12- Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. Mark Twain

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13- Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. Jules Renard

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14- I can resist everything except temptation. Oscar Wilde

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15- Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese. Luis Bunuel

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16- Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Mark Twain

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17- I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. Rodney Dangerfield

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18- Weather forecast for tonight: dark. George Carlin

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19- I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you. Robin Williams

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20- Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I. Oscar Levant

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21- Life is hard. After all, it kills you. Katharine Hepburn

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22- I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. Lily Tomlin

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23- Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. Peter Ustinov

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24- Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? Robin Williams

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25- A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often. Oliver Herford

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26- If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner. Tallulah Bankhead

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27- I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. W. C. Fields

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28- They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. Clint Eastwood

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29- My life needs editing. Mort Sahl

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30- I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat. Will Rogers